


Love Thine Enemy

by Dextrousleftie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Gay Romance, M/M, Oral Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:31:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1599986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dextrousleftie/pseuds/Dextrousleftie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sergeant Daniel Radway, newly out of the Army, meets a mysterious Iraqi man who seems terrified of soldiers - and clearly has a deeply troubled past. Intrigued, Daniel sets out to find out all of Aasif's secrets, and in the process loses his heart to the 'enemy'...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Aasif Al-Dahwi stood at the window of his apartment, staring down at the street below. There were times, he mused to himself, when he'd seriously considered opening the window, stepping out on the ledge, and jumping. But every time he thought about doing it, he remembered the sacrifice that his parents had made to get him and his sister out of Iraq and here to America, and he couldn’t do it. So he stood at the window instead, staring at the view. Maybe if he looked at it long enough, it would help him find some peace within himself. 

Fat chance, as Americans said. His lips curved in a bitter smile. There was no peace for him, not in this lifetime. He simply had to endure. Who knows? Maybe one day he'd step out into the street and be killed by a drunk driver. For now, though, he turned away from the window and walked into his tiny kitchen, to make the food that he needed to keep this body going. 

He passed the tiny hall closet where he'd carefully folded up and put away his prayer rug. Doing that had been one of the hardest things that he'd ever done; but he felt he'd had no choice. There was no place in Islam for a gay man, and Aasif knew without a doubt that he was gay. While giving up his religion and his heritage had been a drastic step on his part, how could he continue to worship a god that made it clear that people like Aasif should be violently killed just for being who they were? 

He knew how upset his parents would be if they knew that he'd stopped being a Muslim. But then, he suspected that they'd have repudiated him anyway when they learned that he was gay, or they would have tried to force him to be straight. He couldn’t, he just couldn't be something that he wasn't. He couldn’t pretend, no matter how much it hurt to live his life as who he really was. 

The funny thing was, though, that he was living as an openly gay man without the one very important prerequisite required - i.e., a boyfriend. Aasif lived the life of a Tibetan monk, celibate and spare, because he couldn’t bring himself to try and meet anyone. He just couldn't...

Whenever he tried, whenever he thought that he might be able to smile at an attractive man and maybe flirt with him, dark memories would come flooding into his brain and stop him in his tracks. He'd start to sweat, and shake, and his heartbeat would race sickeningly. There was no choice but to retreat and try to calm down somewhere by himself, while drearily cursing yet another failed attempt. By now, he was close to giving up altogether. He'd just live out his life alone, while standing by the window wishing that he had the courage to jump and end it all.

 

 

Aasif walked down the street, carrying several bags of groceries. One of the bags was trying to shift, so he was looking down as he tried to rebalance the load before he dropped something. Suddenly he was brought up short in shock as he ran smartly into someone else. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry!" he cried.  
His eyes found the person he'd run into, and a wave of pure panic raced through him as he took in the desert camo uniform on a stocky body, and the buzz cut dark-blonde hair. The soldier shrugged. "It's all right..." he began.

Aasif couldn’t move. His heart was trying to burst from his chest, fear was gibbering animal squalling in his brain, and all he knew right now was an animal's desperate need to escape from danger. With a small, terrible sound, he turned on his heel and ran away down the street.  
Behind him, Sergeant Daniel Radney frowned as the man who'd just run into him now ran away from him. What the hell had that been about? He wondered silently. In his mind's eye, he could still see two large, dark eyes widening and filling up with a look of pure terror. What had caused that look? Had it been him? And if so, why? He glanced down at himself, but didn't see anything particularly terrifying about his neat uniform. Shaking his head, he shrugged. He'd probably never know what had caused that little incident. Best to let it go as 'one of those things'.

 

He went on his way. He had a meeting with his superiors in half an hour, to discuss his intention to leave the Army when his latest enlistment ran out in two months time. Daniel had had enough of war and fighting and death. Two tours in Iraq, then three in Afghanistan - that was enough for any man. He knew that his superiors would try to convince him to reenlist, but he wasn't going to be convinced this time. He wanted something different out of life now. He even had a job lined up when he became a civilian, something that most vets didn't have. It should be interesting to be a civilian again, after over ten years in the Service. He was looking forward to the change.

 

Aasif came back to himself, and found that he was standing in his apartment still clutching his bags of groceries. He was terribly glad that he'd kept a hold of them even in his extreme panic. He stood panting, his whole body shaking. Aasif closed his eyes, biting back a moan. Why? Why did he still react this way?! All it had taken was seeing that uniform, and his mind had gone blank as a surge of panic had risen up inside of him. He didn't even remember what the solder’s face had looked like. He could have been anyone. Anyone at all. 

Groaning, he staggered into his kitchen to put the groceries away. He would try very hard to forget this incident, just as he was trying to (unsuccessfully) forget so many other things. Perhaps one day he'd actually be able to forget, but he sincerely doubted it. He was trapped, trapped in a hell that he couldn’t seem to get out of...

 

Two Months Later:

 

(former) Sergeant Daniel Radney stood on the sidewalk and took a deep breath of the smog-laden air, feeling light-hearted and free. It was his first day as a civilian in more than ten years, and he intended to make the most of it. He'd already shed his uniform, and was wearing a pair of worn jeans and a t-shirt. Only his severely buzz cut hair was an indication of what he had been up until today, and lots of civilians had buzz cuts. He could definitely blend in with the rest of society looking like this.

He decided to do something to celebrate his freedom. He was going to do something that he never had before - he was going to walk into a gay bar and get a drink. While 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' was a thing of the past now, he'd still avoided places like gay bars even when he'd been on leave. That was partly because up until now, he hadn't wanted to take the chance of meeting someone he could be serious about. He hadn't wanted a life partner while he was still in the Army, because he hadn't wanted to leave someone behind who had to worry all the time that he might be killed. But now that he was free, he could think about finding someone. And this would be the first step - going to a place where gay men gathered.

He used his phone to Google the names and locations of gay bars nearby. Picking one at random, he drove his truck to the place. He was glad to see an absence of neon lights on the facade. There was only a small sign that WAS very pink-and-purple. He smiled a little at the sight of it as he walked in the place.  
Inside, he saw a long bar made of polished wood against one wall, with mirrored shelves holding bottles of alcohol behind it. There was a small dance floor, but no disco ball or flashing lights. The bar was mostly empty at this time of day, though there was someone behind the bar moving around. Daniel strolled over to it and perched on a barstool. The bartender straightened up, looking surprised to see him.

"Oh, hello," he said in an accented voice. "What can I get you?"

"A rum and Coke, please," Daniel replied politely.

"Coming right up."

The bartender turned away to make his drink, and Daniel sat casually looking around. This seemed like a nice place. He might come and hang out here more often, now that he was thinking about getting onto the dating scene. He turned back when a glass clinked on the wood of the bar. "Thanks," he said, picking it up.

"You're welcome," the accented voice said quietly.

Daniel glanced up at the bartender in idle curiosity. Then his eyes sharpened as he stared at an oddly familiar face. Where did he know this guy from? He took in liquid cheekbones, a sensual mouth, soft brown skin, and a thick fall of black hair. But it was the big dark eyes he was remembering. Those eyes...he had seen them somewhere, he just knew it...

Suddenly, he knew. It had been that day, two months ago, when he'd been standing on the sidewalk in his uniform. Someone had run into him, and he'd seen a man holding two bags of groceries. A pair of big dark eyes had widened and filled with such a look of total fear...then the man had run away as though Daniel had been a demon. This man. But the bartender didn't seem to have an equal memory of his face, since the man was barely looking at him. What the hell? Why had this guy been so terrified of him two months ago, and why wasn’t he frightened now? Raging curiosity filled him, and he knew that he had to find out.  
He started to open his mouth, to remind the man of that day, when the bartender left him with an indifferent smile to help another customer who'd just entered the bar. While he was gone, Daniel rethought his plan of asking the man what had caused his reaction. He didn't want to embarrass or disconcert the guy while he was working. He decided to hang around for a bit instead, and study the bartender. Maybe he could get a clue about what had caused that weird incident.  
He sipped at his drink, watching the bartender from under his lashes. He noticed something, after awhile - the bartender avoided all contact with his customers. The way he handed his customers their drinks, he managed to deftly make sure that their fingers didn't touch. And while he smiled and even flirted a bit with the men who ordered drinks from him, it was all with a cool standoffishness in body language that had to communicate subconsciously to the customers that they shouldn't try to get too close. 

Interesting. Why was the man afraid of being touched? Was it because he was straight? He could understand why a straight man working in a gay bar wouldn't want to get too friendly or affectionate with the customers. But that still didn't explain his reaction to Daniel's uniform - and it had to be to his uniform, since the man didn't even recognize his face. 

Daniel knew he had to figure this mystery out. While he'd intended to write it off two months ago as 'just one of those things', now he wanted to know what about him had caused that look of terror in this man's eyes. He sipped at his drink, thoughtfully, coming up with a game plan in his head.  
The bartender finished with the other customers and approached him again. "Can I give you a refill?" he asked, pointing at Daniel's half-empty glass.

"Not just yet," he replied. "In a bit."

"All right. Let me know if I can do anything else."

"You can tell me your name," Daniel said.

The bartender blinked, looking taken aback. "What?"

"Your name. Mine's Daniel. I'm thinking of hanging out here from now on, since I just moved to town and this seems like a nice place. It would be good to know the name of the guy serving me my drinks."

"Oh," the bartender said in comprehension. "It's Aasif."

"Aasif. Nice to meet you," Daniel said in a friendly but bland voice. 

"Yes, it is nice to meet you as well, Daniel," the bartender replied in a neutral tone of voice. 

"Here, you can give me a refill now," Daniel said with a small smile, sliding his almost empty glass toward the bartender.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel is determined to discover what secret torments Aasif...

A couple of weeks later, Daniel was sitting once again in what he'd come to think of as his 'place', the third barstool from the end. He was covertly watching Aasif, who was busy with another customer not far away. The bartender had thawed somewhat toward him, since he was now a regular. And he always made sure to leave a big tip for Aasif, and to say a friendly word or two to him. Aasif was still standoffish, but since he was that way with everybody, Daniel wasn't put off by it. 

He let his eyes rove over the almost-empty bar. The time of day that he liked to show up usually meant that place was sparsely populated. He got off of work at two, and was usually on his customary barstool by three-thirty or so. He hung around and generally nursed one drink for an hour or so, not wanting to drink enough that he had to take a cab home. It was actually a quiet, nice time in his day, hanging out here. Even if he wasn't so terribly curious about Aasif, he'd probably still come here every day.

There was only one other guy at the bar, and he was sipping at a beer. Daniel waited until Aasif pottered along behind the bar near him before he spoke up casually. "So, Aasif. How long have you worked here?"

The bartender blinked a little. Clearly he wasn't used to even casual questions being asked about his personal life. "Almost three years," he replied.

"Do you like it?"

A shrug. "I guess it's all right. I make good tips, and it's not the hardest job in the world. The drunks can be annoying, though."

"I'll bet," Daniel said sympathetically. 

Aasif hesitated, then asked: "What do you do, Daniel?"

"I'm a security guard at an armored car delivery company. I just got the job a month ago. It could be worse - at least I'm not a bank guard," he said with a grimace.

Aasif actually laughed softly. Daniel was intrigued by that sound. He liked it. Maybe he could try and get the bartender to laugh again sometime soon. "I thought all bank guards were old, fat, retired cops anyway," he remarked.   
"Most of them are. It's not a very taxing job." he hesitated, then asked quietly: "You've got an accent, Aasif. Can I ask where you're from originally?"

The bartender stiffened, his mouth thinning. He looked away. "I am from Iraq," he replied stiffly. 

Daniel felt a surge of sympathy go through him. It couldn’t be easy admitting that; he was sure that Aasif had experienced some prejudice before this. "I see," was all he said aloud. "Was it because of the War? That you came to America, I mean?"

"Yes, my parents sent my sister me here six years ago not only because of the War, but because of rising sectarian violence. They wanted us to be safe."

"Good parents," Daniel said admiringly. "But why didn't they come with you?"

"They couldn't. They sent us to an aunt and uncle who were already living here. We stayed with them until we were eighteen and ready to go to college. But I decided not to go - I didn't know what I might want to study, and it seems a waste to go to college if you don't know what degree to get or what you want to do."

"That's good thinking." Daniel remarked, impressed. "I was the same way. I could go now..." he remarked, thinking of the G.I. Bill, "But it seems pointless when I don't really have anything I want to study. I like my job pretty well, and I've never had the urge to be a lawyer or a doctor or an accountant."

"My sister is in college, studying to be a biochemist," Aasif said.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Daniel exclaimed.

The bartender nodded. "I'm so proud of her. She's really smart. I help her out with money when I can, because I don’t want her to be drowning in student debt by the time she graduates. I figure she can pay me back over time when she's making a good salary."

Daniel gave him an approving look. "You're a good brother. You should always support your family when you can."

Aasif smiled slightly. "Are you a good son and brother as well, Daniel?" he asked softly.

A shrug. "I try to be. When I can. But I was out of the country for a few years, working..." he added, glossing over the fact that he'd been in the Army. After Aasif's reaction to his uniform, he didn't want to spook the bartender. "So I wasn't always able to be there for them if they needed me. But I can be now, of course, since I’ve moved back to the States."

Another customer appeared, and Aasif left him to attend to the new patron. Daniel sipped contemplatively at his drink, glad that he'd finally managed to exchange more than two words with Aasif. Maybe he could finally get the guy to open up a little.

 

His hour was finally up. Daniel looked at his watch, sighing a bit. He rose to his feet, leaving a tip on the bar for Aasif. To his surprise, the bartender spoke to him: "Goodbye, Daniel. I take it we'll see you again soon? Maybe tomorrow?"

"Not tomorrow. Well, you won't see me, anyway. Isn't it one of your days off?"

Aasif looked astonished. "Yes, it is," he said in bemusement. "How did you know that?"

Daniel smiled wryly. "I've been coming in here almost every day for three weeks. I couldn’t help but notice."

"Oh. I see. Then you'll be coming in Thursday, too?” he asked, mentioning his next day of work.

Daniel smiled slightly. "Yes, I will," he replied, not telling Aasif that he didn't actually intend to come into the bar on the bartender's days off, since he mostly came in here to observe Aasif himself. 

"I'll see you then," Aasif remarked, and Daniel felt pleased. The bartender actually seemed to want to see him again. That was definite progress on his part.

"Yeah, I'll see you," he replied, and left the bar.

 

The next day, Daniel went to visit his family after he got off of work, rather than going to the bar. He spent some time at his mom's house, playing with his niece and nephew. His mother was babysitting them for his brother while he and his wife spent some time alone together away from their kids. They were overjoyed to get to play with their uncle, and they all romped away in the backyard, splashing in a wading pool that his mother had bought for the children to play in. They swarmed over their uncle, giggling, as he lifted them into the air to make them shriek with glee.

He was a bit sunburned and very mellow when he left his mother’s house. As he drove home, he found himself thinking idly about Aasif. He was realizing that his curiosity about the bartender had been joined by something else - attraction. Somewhere in this last three weeks of observing the man, he'd begun to find himself drawn to Aasif irresistibly. It wasn't just a sexual attraction, though that was definitely there. It was more than that. Something about the man’s soul seemed to call to his.

He grimaced at how sappy that thought sounded, even in his own head, but it was also true. Would he manage to find out why Aasif seemed so terrified of soldiers? And if he couldn’t, would he ever be able to get close to the man? Aasif, after all, didn’t even like to be touched. Clearly he had some problems, and if Daniel couldn’t find out what they were he didn’t stand a chance with Aasif. Especially if the bartender found out that he was a former soldier. Daniel understood why most men didn’t like to go to formal therapy sessions; they were taught that as a man that was a form of weakness. And they were MEN, by God! Mach, rough, tough men didn’t go to shrinks, they just bulled through their problems on their own! They sucked it up!

Which was just bullshit, of course. But he’d seen it over and over again in the Army. Soldiers thought they were big and bad, and that they could somehow just fix whatever was wrong with them on their own. And how many of them had ended up eating the barrel of their own guns because of this way of thinking? God, far too many of them. He’d lost enough former comrades to suicide to know that trying to tough something out on your own was a recipe for disaster. It didn’t make you weak to ask for help; it simply made you smart. 

But maybe Aasif was afraid to ask for help, or maybe there were other extenuating circumstances. And if he could discover what was wrong, what had happened to him…well, maybe Daniel could talk him into getting the help he needed. Or if not, maybe just having a sympathetic, non-judgmental ear to listen while he talked would be all that the bartender needed. He wouldn’t know until(or if) he managed to find out what had traumatized Aasif. He’d wait and see, and continue to observe the bartender closely in the meantime.

 

On Thursday, he was sitting on his regular barstool drinking a beer. Aasif had actually smiled a little when he’d come in, which heartened Daniel. The bartender finished mixing a drink for another customer, then wandered down to where he was sitting. “How was your days off, Aasif?” Daniel asked him casually.

The bartender grimaced. “Boring,” he replied succinctly. “I didn’t do much. Just cleaned my apartment.”

“That’s too bad. I went to see my mom and got to play with my niece and nephew.”

“That sounds nice. I’m hoping that my sister will decide to have kids. I’d like to be an uncle,” Aasif said wistfully.

“It’s the best. Those kids rock.”

“Have you ever thought of having any of your own?” Aasif asked him curiously.

He shrugged. “Not really,” he said. He didn’t add that since his job had been so damn dangerous, he hadn’t even contemplated adopting a kid any more than he had considered finding a life partner. Even the thought of leaving some poor kid semi-fatherless, or even just leaving both his partner and child alone for months and even years at a stretch, was not a pleasant one. “Though now that I’m Stateside, I might think about it more seriously,” he added. “But if it doesn’t work out, I’m still an uncle.”

“Indeed, that is true,” Aasif agreed in his musical, accented voice. Daniel loved the way he put sentences together sometimes; it was so exotic. He could have listened to Aasif talk all day long.

 

But, alas, the bartender got called away just then. He lifted his hand in a little wave before he went to attend to another customer, and Daniel watched him go with a silent sigh. This slow, patient stalk was difficult, even for a seasoned soldier like him. All he wanted to do was sweep Aasif off of his feet, to take his heart by storm. But he couldn’t even touch the man’s hand, let alone do any sweeping. Aasif still wasn’t letting their fingers touch when he handed Daniel his drinks. Would he ever relax enough to allow even that small a touch? He could only hope.

 

Aasif expertly poured vodka into a glass and added orange juice. He handed the resulting screwdriver to his customer, being careful to make sure that his fingers didn’t brush the other man’s. As he worked, he sometimes glanced at the blonde man sitting further down the bar, nursing a beer and occasionally eating some peanuts out of the bowl near his elbow. The bartender frowned a little at himself. What was his fascination with Daniel Radney? Sure, the man had become a regular customer in the last month or so, but so what? Why, whenever the man walked into the club, did his heart skip a beat and his breathing quicken? What was it about this man, out of all of the attractive and/or sexy men who came into the club every day, that drew Aasif to him so strongly?

He found himself often in a sort of tizzy lately. The mixture of attraction and fear that he felt every time he so much as looked at Daniel Radney was making him a little crazy. On the one hand, he rejoiced that he’d found someone who made him feel this strongly, but on the other…on the other, the terror that he experienced whenever he got close to another man(especially a white man, like Daniel) was still present. He still couldn’t bring himself to touch Daniel, not even the slightest little bit. He was desperately frustrated by this fact. He was SO sick of living in fear! He wanted to be free of it, to be a regular guy who could kiss and touch another guy, who could be held and made love to without losing it and going mad with fear. He wanted that so very badly - and he seemed perfectly incapable of ever having it. 

Misery engulfed him at this thought, and his shoulders slumped. Despair filled him. He had to blink rapidly to dispel the tears that had gathered in his eyes. What heinous thing had he ever done to deserve this? Nothing that he could think of. God must, indeed, be an extremely vindictive entity to visit such an endless purgatory on one of his followers, especially when that follower had been a mere child when the nightmare that he could never escape from had begun…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel has a breakthrough with Aasif.

Daniel noticed a certain agitation in Aasif’s manner toward him the next few days. The bartender would practically throw his drink down on the bar top and dash away, fleeing as though his very life depended on it. Something was working Aasif up. He wondered what. He was fairly certain that it was his uniform that had sent Aasif scurrying away that time on the street, so why was he acting this way when Daniel no longer wore it? And he also noticed that the bartender wasn’t acting this way about any of the other men who came into the bar. So apparently it was just him who was giving Aasif the willies. Why? And how could he find out?

 

He finally lost patience on the day before Aasif’s days off. He was sitting on his regular barstool, sipping at a beer ands watching Aasif surreptitiously. There was no one else in the place at this time of the day, not uncommon for a mid-week afternoon. The bartender was way down at the other end of the bar, elaborately cleaning glasses and refusing to look in Daniel’s direction.   
His mouth thinned. He was really, REALLY tired of Aasif acting like a frightened rabbit whenever the man came within ten feet of him, especially when he hadn’t done anything to deserve this behavior. He set his beer down on the bar top and spoke in a flat, cool voice. “Aasif.”

The bartender jumped, and his big eyes skittered to Daniel’s face briefly before darting away again. “Yes?” his voice sounded rather high and tight, as though it were being strangled in his diaphragm.

“Have I done something to scare you?” Daniel asked, his voice emotionless.

“No!” Aasif cried, looking upset. 

“Well, you sure act like I have. You jump when I talk to you, you run away when you give me my drinks, and you won’t look at me. I don’t know what’s going on, or what I’ve done to spook you. But I don’t like it. I don’t think that I’ll be coming in here anymore.”

Aasif’s head whipped around, and his face was a picture of shock and horror. “Oh, no!” he cried, his eyebrows gathering together. “Please don’t…I’m so sorry,” he continued miserably, his shoulders slumping and his head drooping. His hair hid his face as he stared at the floor. 

“Sorry for what? What’s the matter, Aasif?” Daniel asked more gently, his eyes fixed on the top of the bent head.

“I can’t…I just…” Aasif’s voice was broken and full of despair.

“You can’t tell me? You have to see it from my point of view, Aasif. Out of the blue you start to act like I killed your mother, when I’ve never done anything to you. That’s pretty upsetting for me,” Daniel explained. 

“I know,” Aasif whispered woefully. “And I’m so sorry. It isn’t anything that you’ve done, Daniel. It’s me. It’s just me,” the self-loathing in his voice was a punch to Daniel’s gut.

“Hey, don’t beat up on yourself. I’m sure that you have a good reason for acting this way,” Daniel’s voice was soothing and kind, but him saying that just made Aasif’s shoulders hunch even more. 

“A good reason, yes,” he said in a choked, cracked voice. “But I want to…I want to…not have that reason anymore! I can’t stand this!” he wailed, and then, to Daniel’s utter horror, he burst into tears and stood there sobbing helplessly like a frightened child.

 

Daniel got up and circled the bar. He knew he shouldn’t try to touch Aasif, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t just sit there and watch the man fall apart like this. Aasif’s anguish was so palpable that it was like a cloud encasing him. He had to ease that pain somehow, even if it made Aasif even more frightened of him. 

He put out his hands and took Aasif by the shoulders. The bartender stiffened in fear, and his eyes were wide with panic(and glistening with unshed tears) as they flew to Daniel’s face. But Daniel ignored his terror this time. He pulled Aasif to him, encasing the trembling man in a tight hug. He knew that this might be the worst possible thing that he could do, but he just had to try. “It’s alright, Aasif,” he crooned into one small ear. “It’s okay. I’m here. I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.” he rocked Aasif, and talked to him, and while the bartender was frozen with fear like a small animal caught in a trap, as Daniel’s hands stroked down his back he gradually began to relax just the tiniest fraction. 

Daniel had no idea how much time passed, or how long they stood like that, but at last Aasif’s breath gusted out of him in a sigh, and he relaxed enough that his body was touching Daniel’s at the chest. He groaned, a sound full of hopeless agony. “Daniel,” he said, “I hate this. I can’t let anybody touch me. I’m so afraid, all the time. I want to kill myself, but I’m too scared. Please, help me.”

That plea made Daniel’s gut tighten and tears prickle at the backs of his own eyes. “I will if I can, Aasif,” he said. “And you’re letting me touch you right now. I’m not hurting you; it’s alright. So do you believe that I won’t hurt you?”

“Yes,” Aasif whispered on a thread of sound. “My head knows that, Daniel, but I can’t convince my body or my heart. I’ve never been able to do that. Not since…” he trailed off, and it was clear that he wasn’t ready to talk about whatever trauma had reduced him to this quivering mass of fear. 

“I understand,” Daniel told him. “But maybe we can work on convincing your body and your heart that you can be safe. Maybe we could try a sort of ‘touch therapy’? I could hold you or touch you for longer and longer periods every day, until you’re used to it and you’re not so scared anymore. They call it ‘immersion therapy’ for PTSD sufferers, and I think that’s what you have. Would you like to give it a try?”

Silence. Then: “Yes,” the determination in Aasif’s voice moved Daniel. This man had a lot of native courage. “I would like to try, Daniel. You’ll help me?”

“I will if I can,” Daniel vowed, gently releasing him. “Starting tomorrow. It’s your day off, right? We could meet up somewhere and give more touching a try, if you want.” 

Aasif’s watery dark eyes met his for the first time in days. “I would very much like it, Daniel,” he said softly. “I do not want to live in fear anymore. I’m so tired of it. And I want to…touch you…” he added, his cheeks reddening in the most adorable blush that Daniel had ever seen, even as his eyelashes fell over his large eyes to hide them. 

Oh, man. It was good that they were standing in a semi-public place, or he might have done something drastic that he REALLY couldn’t afford to do right now. Aasif was still very much like a wounded animal, that had to be coaxed into trusting again. Jumping on the man would be the worst thing that he could do right now, but damn was he tempted…

 

 

He cleared his throat. “I’ll just go back to my seat now,” he said huskily. This time it was his turn to flee, because if he stayed in Aasif’s general proximity he was going to lose his mind and screw the pooch entirely. And he didn’t want to do that; he really wanted to make this thing with Aasif work out if he could. That meant helping the man through whatever was burdening him and causing his terrible fear of being touched. 

 

Daniel sat down on his stool, taking a fortifying swig of his beer. Aasif stood trembling for a moment, then walked slowly on shaking legs down to where he was sitting. “If you meant it…?” he began, hesitantly. “Where…?”

“Not at your house,” Daniel replied calmly. “A more neutral setting, where you can feel more comfortable, would be better. How about a park or some other public place? That way, if you feel threatened or really scared in any way, you can run off or get help.”

Aasif nodded a bit, jerkily. His hands were twining together in front of him in intense anxiety, but his lower lip also jutted out stubbornly. Daniel really did admire his courage. Aasif was willing to do whatever it took to free himself from the fear that he was living with. “There’s a park nearby,” Aasif remarked slowly. “It’s less than a mile from here. I could meet you there tomorrow afternoon. About three?”

“Three will be great,” Daniel told him. “And I’ll find the park, don’t worry. We’ll give it a shot, together. I figure it can’t hurt, right? Also…” he paused, meeting Aasif’s anxious gaze steadily, “Maybe you could eventually talk about what the cause of this is? You need to get it out, Aasif, to talk about it. If you keep bottling it up inside you it’ll eat you alive. I know, I’ve seen it.”

Aasif closed his eyes. “I’ll try,” he choked out. 

“Don’t push yourself too much. We have plenty of time. You’ll know when it’s right and you’re ready.”

Aasif shuddered faintly. “You’re so kind, Daniel,” he said in wonder. 

Daniel snorted silently. He didn’t want to tell Aasif that he wasn’t doing this out of kindness. Or at least, not kindness alone, anyway. “You’re a friend, Aasif,” he replied aloud. “I just want to help a friend who’s in pain. I’d do it for any friend who needed my help.”

Aasif got a strange expression on his face when Daniel called him a friend, though his lips lifted in a small smile, as well. “It’s good to have a friend,” he said slowly. 

Daniel studied his face. “Don’t you have any friends, Aasif?”

A shake of the head. “Not any close ones, anyway. Not since I left Iraq. I’ve wanted to make friends, but it was difficult. Some people don’t react well to Middle Eastern men, and others don’t react well to gay men. Me being both has made it hard to get close to other people, especially with my fear of being touched thrown in.”

“Well, you’ve got a friend now. And hopefully you’ll make more soon as we work through your fears together. Things will get better, Aasif. I know they will.”

His positive words made the bartender’s lips lift in a tremulous smile. “Thank you, Daniel. For everything.”

“I’m sure you’d do the same for me, Aasif,” Daniel replied. “If our positions were reversed.”

“I’d like to think so,” Aasif said.

Daniel smiled. “I know so. Listen, I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you tomorrow at three, Aasif. Be there or be square.”

The bartender nodded. “I will be there, Daniel,” he said, lifting his chin. “No matter what it takes.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aasif's therapy begins

Daniel sat on a bench in the park and worried that Aasif wouldn’t show up. He couldn’t make the bartender try and overcome his terror of being touched; and if fear had overwhelmed him he knew that he wouldn’t be seeing Aasif today. He sighed, running a hand over his very short hair. While he didn’t have a buzz cut anymore, he still kept it ruthlessly short because it was more practical and easier to care for. It was ten minutes after three, and still no sign of Aasif. He wasn’t sure how long he’d wait if the bartender didn’t show up. He didn’t want to leave too soon just in case Aasif found his nerve.

To his surprise, he heard a familiar voice call his name. Turning, he saw Aasif walking slowly down the path toward the bench where he was sitting. The bartender was walking so stiffly upright that he looked like he might break in half soon. His face was completely expressionless, which told Daniel that he was silently panicking underneath. He stood up slowly and waited, making no moves toward Aasif. “Hi,” he said softly when Aasif was close. 

“Hi,” Aasif choked. 

“You okay?” he continued, his eyes trained on Aasif’s face.

“I…no,” Aasif said tightly. “But…I’m here,” he added, lifting his chin.

“That’s the important part,” Daniel agreed quietly. “Sometimes just showing up is the hardest thing you can do. Can you come over here and sit down?”

Aasif stood still for a moment, then he lurched forward and practically threw himself down on the bench. His hands fell into his lap, where they began twining together wildly. They were gripping each other so hard that it was a wonder that the bones weren’t cracking. Daniel winced at the sight of them.

He himself sat back down, as far from Aasif as the bench would allow. “We’ll take this a little at a time,” he began in a soothing, reassuring tone of voice. “There’s no rush. If you can’t take it, just let me know. Or run away,” he added with a quirk of his lips. “I won’t try and stop you.”

Aasif laughed in a cracked sort of way. “Thanks,” he said. “W-What now?”

Daniel edged a bit closer to him. “Take deep breaths,” he told Aasif. “Remember that I’m not going to hurt you and that you can run away at any time. Okay?”

“Yes,” Aasif hissed. 

Daniel moved slowly closer. Aasif watched him out of the corner of his eye, his face pale and his lips tight. His body was twitching slightly. Clearly he wanted to run away, and only stubbornness and a desperate courage were keeping him in place. He reached out, draping his arm across the back of the bench. His fingers didn’t quite touch Aasif’s curly hair. “Relax,” he crooned. “Relax, Aasif. I’ll never hurt you. You’re safe here. It’s all right. You’re doing great.”

His stream of gently encouraging words made some of the tension drain out of Aasif’s slender shoulders, and he sighed softly. “This is…so hard…” he breathed, trembling a little. “I know. I know it is. But if you can get through this, you’ll come out the other side a stronger person. I know you can do it, Aasif.”

The sincerity in his voice made the bartender glance askance at him. “Why do you believe in me?” he asked.

“Because I’ve seen how strong you are. How much you want to overcome your fear and get well again. And I want to help you do that, as much as I can. With that in mind…” he gently lowered his hand and touched Aasif’s silky/coarse hair. The bartender stiffened but didn’t move. He looked like a mouse trapped in the grip of a hawk.

His fingers stroked over the hair, loving the texture of it. “You’re doing so good,” he told Aasif. “You’re so brave. I admire you.”

A startled glance out of huge eyes. “You do?”

Daniel nodded. “A lot of people wouldn’t even try in your shoes,”  
he said. “They’d let their fear rule them. To have true courage is to be afraid and do what you have to anyway.”

“Oh. I’ve never thought about it that way,” Aasif said.

“It’s true. Now, I’m gonna touch your shoulder,” he warned Aasif. His fingers gently gripped a slender shoulder, not closing tightly but just resting there lightly.

Aasif drew in a sharp, harsh breath. But he didn’t move, even though his body was quivering. Daniel’s fingers made a soothing stroking motion, over and over again. He said nothing, merely lightly touched Aasif and let time flow by. After a time, the bartender’s whole body lost some of its tension. He sighed, a ghost of a sound. “This isn’t…so bad…” he whispered.

“See? You’re making progress already,” Daniel pointed out. “At least you’re not running away screaming.”

A shaky laugh. “Yes. That’s a victory, I guess.”

“It sure is. So, you want to talk about something to take your mind off of this?”

“Sure. I heard from my sister yesterday. Apparently she’s getting really serious with her boyfriend. They might even get engaged.”

“That’s awesome news,” Daniel replied. He paused, then asked quietly: “Have you told her that you’re gay yet, Aasif?”

A long, tired sigh. “No. I haven’t had a real reason to yet, because I can’t even have a boyfriend. Why would I risk her reaction when I can’t even live as a gay man yet?”

“I can see,” Daniel conceded. He let his hand rest a bit more firmly on Aasif’s shoulder. The bartender didn’t even seem to notice. “Though if we manage to work this through, you’ll be able to finally get a boyfriend. Then what will you do?”

“I’ll tell her then. I’ll have to. And I won’t be ashamed of who I am. I won’t ever tell my parents, though,” he went on with a sad sigh. “They simply wouldn’t understand. My father is very traditional. Being gay is not acceptable in most of Islam. My sister might be able to handle it since she’s been in America for so long, and people are less rigid here about these kinds of things. But in Iraq…people are still killed for being gay. I don’t want to put that burden on my parents. I don’t want them to have to choose between their religion and their son.”

“I get that,” Daniel remarked. “I was raised Baptist, but when I realized I was gay I decided I couldn’t choose to remain in a religion that thinks that people like me are going to Hell for being who we are. My mom didn’t understand that at first, but after awhile I made her see my side. I explained to her that I wasn’t going to be ashamed of who I am, and that most religions make gay people feel ashamed because of their sexuality. That if you can simply ’overcome’ being gay you’ll be all right. That’s like telling a leftie if he can overcome writing with his left hand he’ll be accepted for who he is. If you can’t accept me for who I am, then I’m not interested.”

“It is so difficult,” Aasif sighed, as Daniel very carefully draped his arm over Aasif’s shoulders. “It was so very hard for me to walk away from the religion of my fathers. It was a part of who I was.”

Daniel considered his words. “It sounds to me like this is way more important to you than it ever was to me,” he began. “So maybe you should think it over, Aasif. Maybe you should consider whether you can be gay and a Muslim at the same time. If you decide that you can, you should go back to it. You shouldn’t cut out one part of yourself in favor of another. For me, it wasn’t a big deal because I’ve never been very religious. It was easy for me to walk away.”

Aasif sighed. Daniel let his arm rest on Aasif’s shoulders, feeling delight that the bartender was thinking so hard over what he’d said that he didn’t even notice the broadening of the touch. “I will…think about, Daniel,” he said after a moment.

Daniel nodded in satisfaction. “Good. And I’ve gotta say, Aasif, that you’re doing really well. I’ve had my arm around you for like fifteen minutes, and you’ve barely noticed.”

Aasif belatedly stiffened, his eyes going wide. Daniel chuckled. “Getting excited about it now is kind of silly, isn’t it?” He pointed out. 

Aasif trembled a little, but after a moment he drew in a long breath. “You’re right,” he conceded. 

“Yes, I am. Now relax and let’s just enjoy the afternoon, huh? Great weather today.”

Aasif breathed out a little laugh, a lovely sound. His body slowly untensed, and Daniel didn’t move at all while he waited for Aasif to relax. “This is…working, isn’t it?” Aasif said after a bit.

“Yeah, it seems to be. If we keep doing this, I think you won’t freak out about being touched after awhile. Then you’ll be free to get a boyfriend and have a real life.”

“That will be wonderful,” Aasif said. “And I’ll owe it all to you, Daniel,” he said in awe. 

He smiled. “I told you, I’m simply helping a friend,” he replied. 

“But…” Aasif bit at his lower lip a little. 

“But?”

Those lovely eyes slid his way and then darted off again. They trained on some children playing in the grass, as he said softly: “What if…? What if I don’t want you to be my friend?”

Daniel was silent for a moment. Then he remarked: “Well, I’ll survive. I would have liked to be friends with you, Aasif, but…”

“No, no!! That isn’t what I meant!” the bartender cried, turning dark red. “I don’t want to be JUST your friend!” he wailed, his hands waving around frantically.

Daniel felt pleasure coil in his belly. “Oh? What more do you want us to be, Aasif?”

Silence. Aasif was brick red and unable to speak. Daniel chuckled at this much cuteness. “On my part,” he began calmly, “I’ve been hoping to hook up with you since the first time I ever saw you.”

Aasif’s head whipped around. His wide eyes met Daniel’s, and his mouth gaped open. “W-What?!”

Daniel grinned. “You’re adorable, and sexy, and really interesting,” he told Aasif. “Why wouldn’t I want to get with you?”

Aasif’s mouth opened and closed, like a landed fish. Finally he whispered: “Really?”

Daniel nodded. “Really.”

“Oh. Oh.” Tears started in Aasif’s eyes. “Oh, Daniel. I want that too,” he said so softly that Daniel could barely hear him.

Daniel felt triumph race through him. “Good,” he remarked aloud. “Very, very good.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aasif's story

A little wind had kicked up today, rustling the leaves on the trees nearby and lifting the silky/rough curls of Aasif’s lovely hair. As they had for several weeks now, the two men sat side-by-side on the park bench they’d claimed as ‘theirs’, with Daniel’s arm resting lightly but firmly across Aasif’s slim shoulders. 

Every day the bartender relaxed more and more. And every day it took less and less time for him to do so, until by now his slender body was pressed against Daniel’s side in a decidedly nice way that the ex-soldier really appreciated. He could hear Aasif’s breathing, which was even and steady. It, like many other indicators, told him how very far that the other man had come along the road to recovery. The immersion therapy was a big success. Every day Aasif was more confident, less tense, and less scared. 

Improvement had been in slow but steady increments, until now Aasif could nestle against his side trustingly without terror overwhelming him.   
For Daniel, these therapy sessions had so far been a pleasurable torture. It was so difficult to touch Aasif, to hold him, to feel him pressed against his side…and to not be able to take it any further than this, lest he scare Aasif back into his state of extreme fear if he moved too soon. Daniel knew that if he took this slow and easy, Aasif might recover almost completely. And then they could get down and dirty together, as often as they liked. But knowing that intellectually and getting his body to understand it on a physical level were two different things entirely. He was always at least half hard during every one of these sessions, and often spent the time holding Aasif with his teeth gritted against the pinching pain at his groin. 

 

Aasif sighed, a slow and peaceful sound. He stirred, and his eyes came back from wherever they were gazing. He turned his head a little. “Daniel?”  
“Yeah?”

Another sigh, this one a sharper and quicker sound. He felt Aasif’s slim body tense a little under his hand. “I-I would like to…” Aasif began, then stopped. He looked stricken, his brows gathering together and his large eyes welling up with some darkness that it hurt Daniel to see there.

“What? What would you like to do?” Daniel asked him softly. 

The full lips pressed together until they were a thin line, and Aasif’s hands clenched painfully in his lap. “I…” his throat worked as he fought to speak past some constriction. “I want t-to tell you…”

Daniel waited patiently, not trying to push him further. He let Aasif struggle with his inner demons alone, not wanting to upset him any further. He was already tight, rigid as a bow beside Daniel on the bench. Finally Aasif spat out from between clenched teeth: “I want to tell you…what happened…to me!” he cried the last part on a loud, shrilling wave of sound, and his breathing had picked up until he was nearly panting.

Daniel petted his shoulder soothingly, trying to relax the tense muscles even a little. “You don’t have to if it’s going to upset you this badly, Aasif,” he said gently. “You can always tell me later.”

“No!” a violent shake of the head made the long, wavy/curly hair fly. “If I don’t tell you now…I d-don’t think that I’ll…ever be able to…tell you,” Aasif ground out. “And I…want to. I need to t-tell somebody…I can’t stand it anymore…”

Daniel nodded in understanding. “It’s been eating you up inside all of this time,” he replied quietly. “Any good therapist will tell you the best way to overcome any trauma is to talk about it. To get it out in the open. To lance the wound and let it drain so it doesn’t fester anymore.”

“Exactly,” Aasif said, his large eyes meeting Daniel’s. “I’m so glad that you understand, Daniel. I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t…”

“I’ll always be here for you, Aasif, no matter what,” Daniel vowed sincerely. “Nothing you tell me will ever make me think any less of you.”

Aasif’s eyes searched his face, then the bartender nodded a little. “Yes. I feel that I can trust you. It…” he trailed off, looking down, his long lashes falling over his large eyes to hide them. “I was…thirteen…when it…happened.”

Daniel felt his stomach contract inside of him. He had a feeling he was going to hate whatever Aasif told him next. Thirteen! A mere child, not quite a teen yet…and, unfortunately, he already knew that Aasif’s trauma had something to do with at least one American soldier. Witness his reaction to the mere sight of that uniform not so long ago. He braced himself to hear whatever horror had involved his fellow soldiers.

“It was just after the War started…” Aasif said on a mere breath of sound. Daniel had to strain to hear him. “We lived in Baghdad. The Americans had taken the city, and my father wouldn’t let me go outside. He didn’t want me wandering the streets when there were still bombs dropping everywhere. I started to get restless because I was bored. I was just a kid, and there was nothing to do inside. I was used to running the streets with my friends. I got angry with my father, and I was sulking. I didn’t realize how serious this all was. I didn’t think that the Americans would do anything to me. After all, they’d come to liberate our country, right? Surely a young boy would be safe on the streets with armed American soldiers patrolling them.”

He stopped talking, his throat working visibly. Daniel closed his eyes, his mouth tightening. But he kept his hold on Aasif light, and merely rubbed his shoulder and arm comfortingly while he waited for the bartender to pull himself together enough to go on. 

“I snuck out,” Aasif said after a bit. “In the evening, when my parents were busy. My mother was cooking, and my father was talking with some of his friends. I crawled out a back window and went looking for my friends, and also to see if I could come across any Americans. Like any boy, I wanted to see their big guns and the tanks. It was very exciting. But I couldn’t find my friends, because their parents were keeping them inside, too. I finally gave up and started for home.”

“As I was walking through a part of the city that had been heavily shelled, with lots of destroyed houses, I heard a voice call to me in English. I knew how to speak some English already, because my father is a scholar and linguist and he had been teaching me. I turned to see some American soldiers coming toward me.”

He stopped again, his body beginning to rock in a defensive motion. Daniel cast him a worried glance, wondering if Aasif was strong enough for this. Finally, the bartender choked out: “There were five of them. They were smiling, and they looked friendly.”

 

Daniel felt his stomach heave and twist inside of him. He felt cold. ‘There were five of them’. Jesus. He had a very, very bad feeling about this. 

Aasif was trembling now, like a leaf in a high wind. “One of them…held out a candy bar,” he said, his voice so thin and full of distress that it was almost inaudible. “He said: Here kid. For you.”

“I hadn’t seen anything like that for a long time, for months. I knew not to take things from strangers, but this was an American soldier. Surely he meant me no harm? I took the candy bar,” Aasif’s breath was panting and whistling in his throat. “They all smiled at me while I ate it. I thought they were so kind,” Aasif nearly wailed, his whole body jerking in Daniel’s grasp. He tightened his hold at last, to try to keep Aasif from breaking apart. 

He should put a stop to this, but he wasn’t sure what would be worse for Aasif. Maybe he just needed to get this out, no matter what. So he held onto Aasif with both hands, held him tight, and let him spill out the horror and darkness that had been locked away inside of him for so long.

“One of them grasped my arm,” Aasif choked. “I didn’t know why. I tried to pull away. Another one laughed and said that they should have some ‘fun’. I didn’t understand what he meant. Then the one holding me began to pull me toward one of the burned out buildings, and I started mot struggle. But he was so strong…I couldn’t get away. I started to get very frightened, but I still didn’t know what they intended I was afraid that they meant to kill me…” he stopped again, a shudder passing through him. ‘I wish that they’d killed me,” he said thinly.

“No, don’t wish that. I’m glad that they didn’t kill you, Aasif, though they put you through hell,” Daniel told him. 

Aasif’s eyes slid to his again. The wounded expression in those big orbs smote him to the very heart. “I’m glad to be alive now, Daniel,” he said softly. “And here, with you. But then…I would have been happier if they’d just killed me once they’d finished with me. Because they d-dragged me into the burned out building, and one of them ripped off my shirt and stuffed it into my mouth, while another one pulled my arms behind my back and tied my hands with my own belt so that I couldn’t move. I struggled and tried to scream, but I couldn’t do anything to stop them. Then they pulled my p-pants down, and I began to realize what they meant to do to me. But by then it was too late, one of them was unbuckling his belt. He was grinning. They were all laughing. I heard them,” his voice had gone dull and lifeless, and Daniel did some shuddering of his own as an amalgam of rage and horror raced through him. 

“I never imagined before that that anything could hurt so much,” Aasif’s voice was soft. His eyes were empty. He was reliving that day, far away in space and time from this park. “I screamed and screamed. But they didn’t stop. They didn’t care. They kept saying things like how tight I was, how good it felt, how I was the best piece of ass they’d had in months. I wish that I hadn’t understood enough English to know what they were saying,” he went on dully. “They laughed as they raped me, all five of them. When the last one was done, another said something about ’going another round’, but the one who had just finished with me said that they had to get back or they’d be missed. That it was too bad. He slapped me on the ass and I would have fallen, but another one of them caught me and held me up. They got dressed, and one of them pulled my pants back up and took the shirt from my mouth. They untied my wrists.”

“Finally, they were ready to leave. The one who’d offered me the candy bar seemed to have realized that I spoke some English, because he said to me: If you tell anybody about this, kid, we’ll hunt you down. We’ll kill you and your whole family. Got it?”

“I got it. I believed him. After what they’d just done to me, I believed they were capable of anything. I nodded. They left then, left me there with blood on my thighs and my shirt wet from spit, left me to try to get home as best as I could on my own. I could barely walk. I thought I’d never make it. I didn’t want to make it. I wanted to die. I wished that some of their fellows would come along, mistake me for a terrorist breaking the curfew, and shoot me. Before that happened, I didn’t even know that two men could…with each other. For a long time afterward, I was terrified that my yearnings for other men started that day. That I liked it and I wanted more. Only the fact that I couldn’t touch other men, not even my own father, let me understand that I wasn’t some kind of twisted kink who got off on gang rape. I was simply gay. Coming here to America helped, because it is so open here. I was able to accept myself at last, but I could never move past the crippling fear. Until…now. Until you. You’ve saved me, Daniel,” he said simply, his voice full of emotion. 

 

Dear God. Daniel felt like he’d been dipped in ice water. After that horrifying confession of what had happened to him at the hands of American solders, how the hell was he supposed to confess to Aasif about who and what he’d been even a few months ago? What if telling him sent Aasif back into his state of total fear? Yet lying to him would be even worse, because if the bartender ever found out the truth from some other source his trust in Daniel would be totally shattered. Somehow, some way, he was going to have to muster up the same courage that Aasif had just shown and tell the other man about himself. But not now. For now, he simply held Aasif cradled in his arms as the other man found some measure of peace in the wake of his terrible confession.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel reveals his secret to Aasif

Daniel let the peaceful silence lengthen. Aasif sat unmoving, letting himself stay in Daniel’s embrace, his eyes closed. But, finally, he knew he had to speak. He sighed, softly. “Aasif?”

Those lovely eyes opened and found his. “What is it, Daniel?” he asked, stirring a little. But he seemed reluctant to entirely leave the circle of Daniel’s arms.

“I have a confession to make,” Daniel said grimly. The next few minutes could make or break his relationship with Aasif forever. 

Worry sprang up in Aasif’s gaze at his harsh tone of voice. “What is it?” he said again, anxiously.

“Remember when I told you that I was working overseas before this?” Daniel’s voice was flat. 

“Yes,” the bartender husked.

“Well, I was working overseas. In the military. Up until four months ago, Aasif, I was a soldier.” Aasif stiffened in his arms, and pulled away. Daniel tried to brace himself for Aasif’s rejection of him, though it was hard. Really hard. Already he was in pretty deep with this guy. He suspected he’d be completely heartbroken if Aasif didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner, Daniel?” Aasif asked tonelessly, staring down at the pavement of the path underfoot.

He sighed again. “Because I knew how scared you were of soldiers, Aasif. I was afraid that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if you found out too soon what I was.”

Aasif’s head jerked up. He stared at Daniel’s face in bewilderment. “You…knew…? How could you know?” he asked in confusion.

Daniel’s lips quirked. “Do you remember about seven months or so ago? You were walking down the sidewalk with grocery bags on your arms, and you ran into somebody? Then you saw a uniform and you freaked out and bolted?”

Aasif gasped. “You mean…?!”

“Yeah, that was me,” Daniel told him. “And then when I walked into the bar a few months later after I left the Army, you didn’t recognize me at all. I realized that it was the uniform you had to be afraid of, not the guy inside of it, since you showed no recognition when you looked at me and you never seemed more scared of me than you did anybody else in the bar. That was what made me curious about you in the first place. It’s why I started hanging around. I wanted to know why you were so scared of soldiers. Then, as I got to know you, I started to become really attracted to you, too. That’s why I was afraid to tell you that I’d been a soldier. I was afraid you’d never want to talk to me again.”

To his utter surprise, Aasif glowered at him. “That is a foolish thing to think, Daniel!” he cried. “I know that you are nothing like those monsters who raped me! I’ve never assumed that all American soldiers were the same way, just because of what happened to me. I will admit that if I’d known right away, I might have been nervous around you as a reflex. But I wouldn’t have shunned you, because I know you’re a good man. I’ve always known that, practically since the moment that you walked into the bar.”

Daniel stared at him. Then he grinned. “Man, you rock hard, Aasif,” he told the surprised bartender. Then he leaned slightly over and gently put his mouth over the other man’s, in a tender little kiss that totally stunned Aasif.  
Aasif froze, but he didn’t pull away or bolt in terror. He sat very, very still as Daniel’s mouth moved just a little over his, no aggression in sight. A very soft moan was torn from his throat, and his hands jerked at his sides as he tried to lift them to twine around Daniel’s neck instinctively. It was his very first kiss ever! 

Oh, Allah, he wanted it to never end. Any fear he’d initially felt faded away, and when Daniel’s hand lifted to cradle the back of his head he didn’t fight it. This was so perfect, so right…he felt safe and protected in Daniel’s embrace, all fear fled. He didn’t want anyone else but this man to kiss him. This was where he belonged. The searing memories of his rape slowly faded away, and he thought of nothing but the feel of Daniel’s lips on his.

When Daniel finally pulled back, Aasif half-lay in his arms and panted softly. His eyes were glazed. Daniel hid a triumphant grin. He met the dazed eyes with his own. “That was great,” he said softly. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long…”

Aasif’s eyes returned somewhat to reality. To Daniel’s delight, his dusky skin turned a rosy shade as his long lashes hid his eyes. “It was my first kiss,” he murmured softly.

Daniel felt even more triumphant at those words. Even though he’d suspected that he was getting Aasif’s first kiss, it was nice to hear that it was true. “Did you like it?” he asked, his voice a bit teasing.

Aasif nodded slightly, still blushing. Daniel ran a hand lovingly through his curly locks. “Good,” he said in satisfaction.

 

After a bit of contented silence, he sighed. “I should let you go. You have to be at work in less than an hour, don’t you?”

Aasif glanced at his watch and made a small sound. He leapt to his feet. “Yes! I must go!” he stopped, and looked down at Daniel. “Will you…be here again tomorrow?” he asked uncertainly.

Daniel smiled at him. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Get going. I might drop by the bar later on and get a beer.”

Aasif’s smile was like sunlight after rain. He nodded and hurried off down the sidewalk. Daniel watched him go, feeling relief about the way his confession had gone. Aasif hadn’t cared in the least that he’d been a soldier. With that out of the way, he had no more secrets to hide. He and Aasif could continue Aasif’s therapy together, and the better he got the more that Daniel would be able to kiss, touch and hug him. And eventually…

His cock stirred lazily in his jeans at this thought. He turned a bit so no passing child would glimpse the mound in the front of them. He shouldn’t be fanaticizing about having sex with Aasif in a public park anyway. He should go home and attend to his ’problem’, instead. Rising to his feet, he walked slowly toward where he’d parked his truck. He moved that slowly so he wouldn’t hobble like an arthritic old man. People might wonder what was wrong with him, and if anybody got a glimpse of his crotch they might realize just what was ailing him…then they might call the cops and report a pervert with a hard-on near the children’s playground. That he did NOT need!

 

 

Daniel walked into the bar around six. He saw that the place was starting to fill up, and he had to search to find an empty barstool to sit on. Aasif was serving a customer, but his face brightened and he smiled when he saw Daniel sit down. He lifted a hand in greeting, and the bartender brought him a beer as soon as he was finished with the other customer. Their fingers brushed as he handed it to Daniel, and he took in a sharp breath when he realized that this touch was deliberate on Aasif’s part. The bartender’s eyes were gleaming as he walked away.

“Hey, cowboy,” a voice purred nearby. “I’ve never seen YOU in here before,” he turned his head to see a good-looking young man perched on the barstool next to him, interest in his blue eyes as he looked Daniel up and down.

“I don’t often come in this late,” he replied, a bit loudly to be heard over the music on the dance floor. “I like to come in for a drink in the afternoons.”

“Well, I’m glad that you changed your routine,” the younger man said with a wolfish smile. He leaned closer. “How’d you like to get out of here? With me?” he asked, batting his eyelashes for all he was worth.

Daniel felt his lips twitch. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good where I am,” he replied.

The other man sat back and pouted. “Oh, come on! I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” he said in a wheedling tone of voice.

Daniel shook his head. “I’ve already got a man, but thanks again,” he said calmly.

A shrug. “Who cares? Bring your boyfriend along, too. I like threesomes.”

Daniel’s eyebrows lifted. “No, thanks. My boyfriend wouldn’t like it if I did that. Ours is not an open relationship.”

“Your loss, then,” the other man said with a shrug, looking faintly annoyed.

Daniel nodded. “Yes, it is. I’m sure I’ll regret it later,” he went on dryly. 

A glare. The younger man slid off the barstool and flounced away onto the dance floor. Daniel took a sip of his beer to hide his grin. He looked up and saw that Aasif had watched this encounter. He shrugged and grinned, and the bartender shook his head but smiled back. He turned away to his customers again, while Daniel chuckled and ate some pretzels out of the bowl in front of him.

 

In the next hour and a half, he was hit on a dozen times. He politely turned down each offer, aware of Aasif watching him every time. It was a good sign if the bartender was jealous, Daniel thought in satisfaction. Not that he was going to do anything with any of these men, but…Finally, he’d had enough of the pounding techno music, the bright lights, and the chatter that surrounded him. He lifted a hand to get Aasif’s attention, then leaned forward when the bartender came over to him. “I’m going to get going now, Aasif. I’ll see you in the park tomorrow,” he said as softly as he could and still be heard over the music.

Aasif nodded. “I will be there, Daniel. Thank you for coming in here this late. I can tell you don’t like this place when it gets crowded.”

He shrugged. “No, I don’t. But I always like getting to see you,” he reached out and lightly touched Aasif’s fingers. “See you tomorrow,” he repeated, sliding off of his barstool and making his way toward the door. 

Aasif watched Daniel go. He saw the man brush away the groping hands of several men in the crowd, before he walked out the door. His lips twitched. Daniel definitely didn’t enjoy the bar when it was in full swing like it was now. He found that he didn’t like it, either. All of those men crawling all over Daniel! It made him very angry to watch it. He wanted to push those men away and snarl at them that Daniel was HIS! Not that he could have; he still had problems touching any man but Daniel. But since Daniel had handed all of those propositions quite neatly himself, it was okay. But he still didn’t like it. Aasif was finding that he had a very jealous nature, something he would never have imagined before he met Daniel Radway. 

But then, before he’d met Daniel he couldn’t even touch another man or look him in the eye. All of this was a voyage of self-discovery for Aasif, one that most people went on much earlier in their lives. But since he’d been frozen emotionally and physically when he was thirteen by the trauma of the rapes, it wasn’t surprising that he was blooming so much later in life. The wonderful thing was that it was happening at all…and he had Daniel Radway to thank for it. He’d never, ever forget that, or cease being grateful to the other man. Never.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aasif makes a bold suggestion...

Aasif seemed restless today. He squirmed on the bench, and his eyes kept darting to Daniel’s face and then away. After a few minutes of this, Daniel asked quietly: “What’s wrong, Aasif?”

The bartender jumped and shot him a rather wild sideways look. To Daniel’s interest and puzzlement, his cheeks turned red under his light-brown skin. “Nothing is wrong, Daniel,” he replied hurriedly.

“Are you sure? You seem pretty restless today.”

Aasif did some more squirming, before he burst out: “I do not want to be here anymore!”

Daniel looked at him soberly. “Here? In the park? With me? Do you want to go home?”

“Yes! No! Oh, I’m not making myself clear!” Aasif cried. “I don’t want to be in the park anymore, Daniel, but I DO want to be with you. I want to…take you to my home.” Color surged even more wildly up in his face as he said this.

Daniel relaxed at these words. “I see. So you want to get out of here? Is it too public, is that the problem?”

Aasif stared down at his shoes, but his head came down in a small nod. “I want you to…” he trailed off, and his face was now so dark-red that he looked like he was going to explode. “B-but not here,” he choked, his eyes running over the park and the children playing nearby.

Daniel felt a surge of excitement go through him. Aasif wanted to be away from prying eyes with him, indicating that the bartender wanted something more intimate to happen between them and didn’t want any witnesses too it. Satisfaction welled up in him. “All right, Aasif. If that’s what you want. We’ll go to your house.”

The large eyes came up to rest on his face. “Really?” Aasif asked in a small voice.

Daniel nodded. “Really. I’d like to see where you live. Come on, let’s go.” He carefully removed his arm from the back of the bench and got slowly to his feet. He held out his hand to Aasif.

Eyes wide, the bartender reached out and took his hand with one that shook a little. Daniel pulled him to his feet, and neither said anything as they started down the sidewalk toward where his truck was parked. Aasif seemed shocked by his own boldness, and Daniel wasn’t going to do anything to break the mood and send Aasif scurrying away in a panic. This was a huge breakthrough for him. 

Aasif climbed into the passenger’s side of the vehicle. He didn’t have a car of his own; he generally took the bus to both his job and the park, and walked to places like the grocery store. Daniel got in behind the wheel, and paused. He turned his head to glance at Aasif, sitting so stiff and silent in the passenger’s seat beside him. “You have to tell me where to go, Aasif,” he remarked gently. 

Aasif jumped as though he’d been pricked with a pin. He gave Daniel his address in a voice that sounded strangled, and his fingers were twined together in his lap hard enough that the fingers were turning white. Daniel nodded and started the truck, pulling away from the curb. 

 

He said nothing as he drove, waiting for Aasif to break the silence. But the other man was huddled in his seat, clearly trying to calm his breathing and relax even a little, so Daniel left him to it. When he pulled up in front of the apartment building where Aasif lived, he turned off the motor and looked over at the bartender. Aasif’s eyes had a decided glaze to them, and Daniel wondered if this had been such a good idea after all. Maybe it was still too soon, no matter what Aasif thought.

But before he could offer to take them both back to the park, Aasif put out a shaking hand and opened the truck door. He clambered out stiffly. “Come this way,” he said, his voice so tense and hollow that he actually sounded a bit like Lurch from the Addams Family. Daniel didn’t protest, but merely got out of the truck and followed Aasif as the other man walked stiffly upright toward one of the units on the first floor. 

How Aasif managed to unlock his front door with his hands shaking like that was a mystery to Daniel. He had to fight his almost overwhelming urges to tell Aasif ‘never mind’, and that they’d do this another day when he was feeling stronger. This decision had been Aasif’s, and if he changed his mind Daniel would go along with it. But he wanted Aasif to have the chance to do something brave, something that he’d chosen to do on his own.   
Aasif finally got the door open, and he turned to Daniel. “Please come inside,” he said, and his teeth were chattering a bit. Daniel had to force himself to hold back yet again. He felt as tightly strung as a man on point patrolling in an area where there had been deadly ambushes. He stepped after Aasif into the apartment, watching as the other man skittered down the hallway and turned at bay near the end.

Aasif stood there struggling with himself, his hands balled into fists at his sides and his chest rising and falling with his panting breaths. Daniel waited patiently by the open door, not moving, giving Aasif time to overcome his instinctive fear. Finally, Aasif stirred and unclenched his fists. “I-I’m sorry, Daniel,” he began apologetically.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Aasif,” Daniel replied quietly. “This is a big step for you. Of course you’re afraid. But you’re overcoming your fear. That’s courageous, Aasif. I admire you.”

The bartender looked startled. “You do?”

Daniel nodded. “I’ve seen battle-hardened soldiers struggling with PTSD who can’t overcome their fear like you are. You’ve got guts, Aasif.”

“Ohhh,” this drawn out syllable made him smile a little, as Aasif stirred and turned toward an archway nearby. “Will you come into the living room?” he asked Daniel, like a good host should.

His lips twitched a little at Aasif’s formal phrasing, but he nodded and walked slowly toward the archway. Aasif darted inside before him, and rounded the couch to put it between Daniel and himself. His finger closed on the back of it, but he lifted his head proudly. “Will you have a seat?” he said. 

Daniel sat down in the only armchair, his eyes resting on Aasif’s face. Fear warred with determination there. Determination finally won, and Aasif stepped out from behind the couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Sure. Anything is fine,” Daniel said soothingly.

Aasif bolted out of the room, leaving Daniel alone in his living room. He looked around, trying to get a feel for the other man. The furniture was all comfortable-looking, and the chair he sat in had a chintz floral covering. Prints of bucolic country scenes were hung on the walls. It wasn’t at all like he’d have pictured Aasif’s home. The only thing that spoke of his heritage was a small rug hanging on one wall, that Daniel suspected came from or had been made in Iraq. Still, did Aasif have to trumpet where he came from to the skies? It wasn’t as though his apartment was decorated in English countryside, after all. Actually, Aasif’s home seemed to be more in that style than his place was…

His lips twitched again as Aasif reappeared with two glasses of water in his hands. He came over to hand one to Daniel. Then he shied away again, going over to the couch and sitting down on it this time. But he looked so tense that Daniel knew that he was ready to jump up and run away at any time. Daniel sipped at his water to give Aasif time to relax again.

“I like your apartment, Aasif,” he said after the silence had deepened for a few minutes. 

Aasif jumped a little, but he also looked pleased. “You do?”

Daniel nodded. “Yeah. It’s cozy. Not like my place. It’s a typical man-den. Which means it never gets dusted, there tend to be clothes lying on the floor until I get around to picking them up, and the décor is pretty much ‘dumpster chic’.”

Aasif giggled, a charming sight. Daniel’s lips lifted a little to see this. Then the bartender fidgeted, turning his glass around and around in his fine-boned hands. “I…asked you here…because I…want to…” he began breathily, obviously barely able to get the words out of his mouth at all.

Daniel lifted a staying hand. “It doesn’t matter why you asked me here, Aasif, if it’s making you this nervous,” he pointed out quietly. “This is the first…and biggest…step that you’ve taken; we can hold off whatever you had in mind for another day. Until you get used to having me in your apartment, that is. If you want, we could move our daily sessions to here from now on. Then, when you’re comfortable with having me around, we can try whatever it is that you want to.”

Aasif’s luminous eyes studied his face. “How kind you are, Daniel,” he marveled. 

He smiled crookedly. “Not really. As I told you, Aasif, if I can’t help you overcome your fears then I can’t get with you. So this is almost entirely selfish on my part.”

“No!” Aasif cried, shaking his head sharply. “Someone who was utterly selfish would have given up on me long ago, Daniel. You’ve been so patient and caring with me. You are a good man.”

His sincere words made Daniel feel a little embarrassed. Seeing his expression, Aasif laughed softly. “Yes, Daniel, I would very much like it if we moved our daily sessions here to my home. When I am comfortable with you, it will be nice for us to have some privacy for…” his cheeks heated as he trailed off. 

Daniel grinned. “Yes, it’ll be very nice,” he purred, just to watch the color in Aasif’s face deepen. What a gorgeous, splendid creature he was, Daniel marveled silently to himself. And how very lucky I am!

 

So that’s what they did. Every day that week, Daniel drove over to Aasif’s apartment building. For the first few days, he sat in the chair while Aasif sat on the couch, and they talked. After that, he moved to the couch and put his arm along the back, just as he’d done on the bench in the park. Aasif slowly became less nervous, and began to snuggle up against Daniel’s side like a trusting kitten. 

He loved these times. Sure, he wanted to get with Aasif. Bad. But just sitting there holding the man while he snuggled up against Daniel’s side - that was good, too. Really good. He’d never had this before, since he’d been in the Army for so long. First there had been DADT, which hadn’t allowed two male soldiers to snuggle up together in public. And even after its repeal, he’d always been careful. He didn’t want to shove his homosexuality into his guys’ faces. So now, this gentle intimacy between himself and Aasif, was a first for him as well as the other man. And Daniel intended to enjoy it to the fullest extent.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aasif is learning to trust, in the best way possible...

Daniel took the steaming cup of tea that Aasif was holding out to him. “Thanks,” he said briefly, before sipping at it. Aasif had turned him onto tea; he’d never much cared for it before this, but the way the bartender made it it was definitely palatable. 

Aasif sat down carefully on the sofa beside him, holding his own cup of tea. He was becoming much more comfortable with having Daniel in his house. Their hips were almost touching on the couch, and Aasif’s body language was relaxed. He wasn’t tense at all. He smiled briefly at Daniel as he sipped at his cup of tea. Despite being a bartender, Aasif didn’t imbibe alcohol himself. It was against his former religion, and old habits died hard. Besides, he was taking what Daniel had said to heart, and thinking very seriously about whether he should become a practicing Muslim again. If he could find a way to reconcile his sexuality with the teachings of his father’s religion, he’d probably go back to it. 

Daniel didn’t mind. As long as Aasif still wanted to be with him, the man could worship whoever or whatever he wanted to. He himself didn’t really have anything against religion, per se; well, except for the fact that so many religions had a problem with HIM as a gay man. Otherwise, he wouldn’t care in the least. Everybody had the right to their own beliefs and ideas, and to follow those in peace. As long as they didn’t use those beliefs and ideas to discriminate against or hurt other people, it was all good… 

 

He felt a bump against his thigh. Aasif had moved so close to him that they were now touching. He hid a smile as he sipped at his tea. The other man was definitely getting bolder. “This is really good,” he said, praising the tea. “You’ve definitely changed my mind about this stuff, Aasif.”

The bartender looked pleased. “I’m glad that you like it,” he replied softly.   
They drank in silence for a bit, then Aasif leaned forward and set his cup on the coffee table. “Daniel…” he began, and now he sounded nervous. 

“Yeah?” he kept his voice carefully light and gentle. No pressure. 

“I’m…I would like you to…” Aasif’s voice was trembling. He sounded just like he had the day he’d invited Daniel over to his house.

“What would you like me to do? Tell me, Aasif,” he coaxed, not moving a muscle. 

Aasif threw his hands into the air. “This is so difficult!” He cried wildly. “It is so hard to ask you…for the things I want…” he trailed off, biting at his full lower lip.

Daniel felt compassion streak through him. “I get that, Aasif,” he said reassuringly. “How about I make some suggestions, and you just nod if it’s something that you want? Would that be easier?”

Aasif threw him a grateful look. “Yes, thank you, Daniel,” he said.

He nodded. “All right. Do you want me to kiss you?” he began carefully.

Aasif nodded a little. But he was still looking at Daniel like he wanted him to say more. “Okay. We’ve already done that, so maybe you want something else? Something…more? Do you want me to touch you, Aasif? More than I have been? More intimately?”

Color swarmed up in Aasif’s brown cheeks. He nodded again, rather helplessly. Daniel bit back a triumphant smile. “I can do that,” he said. “But let’s start with the kissing, shall we? To help you relax,” and he leaned forward, lightly covering Aasif’s mouth with his own.

The bartender moaned. He opened his mouth obediently to Daniel’s, and he gently inserted his tongue into Aasif’s sweet mouth. He kept all of his movements careful and slow, and Aasif’s arms came up jerkily to close over his neck. Clearly he wasn’t feeling very frightened right now. Daniel let his hands span Aasif’s slim waist, his fingers stroking over the fabric of the shirt he was wearing. A small sound against his lips told him that Aasif liked these touches. Daniel gently kissed him for awhile, and Aasif’s face was flushed and his big eyes were mellow when he finally pulled back.  
He began to lay small kisses over Aasif’s cheeks and jaw line. “I really love this,” he murmured throatily, pressing a kiss to the soft skin near Aasif’s lips. 

Aasif blinked at him. “What?” he asked in confusion.

Daniel smiled. “I love touching you like this,” he explained, running his hands up and down Aasif’s sides. “You feel so good.”

Aasif took in a shuddering breath. “Do you?” He asked hopefully. 

“Mmm, hmm. You’re so warm, so soft. And your lips taste so sweet,” he added, claiming those same lips again in a gentle kiss. 

Aasif gasped and pushed closer to him. “I-I love it when you touch me like this, Daniel,” he admitted breathily. “You make me…you make me forget.”

Daniel knew what he was saying. He slid his hands up to Aasif’s chest, and stroked the pert little nipples he could see pushing against the fabric with his thumbs. “I’m glad,” he told Aasif. “I want you to let those memorie4s fade as much as you can. And I want to replace them with me,” he went on, as Aasif moaned at the stimulation to his nipples. 

“Please, please, replace them with you, Daniel,” Aasif said. “I want you in my head, not them.”

“I’ll try my best,” Daniel assured him firmly. He kissed Aasif’s throat, even as his hands began to explore again. Aasif only stiffened a little when his hands slid under the shirt and found bare flesh. Then he shivered ,but said aloud: “Please. Keep touching me.”

“I will,” Daniel replied simply. He began to move his hands in caressing circles, and Aasif made sounds of desire that were often swallowed up by Daniel’s mouth as he kissed Aasif over and over again. 

His left hand arrived at the waistband of the jeans that Aasif was wearing. Going in for another deep kiss to divert Aasif’s attention away from that hand, Daniel wriggled his fingers under the waistband and skimmed down jumping belly muscles toward the hardness that he could feel at Aasif’s groin. His fingertips arrived at their destination, and skimmed over the lump that jerked and twitched under his touch.

Aasif pulled back. “Oh!” he cried. “No!”

Daniel’s fingers stilled. “Why not?” he asked quietly. “Do you want me to stop? Are you scared?”

Aasif was panting, his face flushed. “Oh, I-I…” he began in a choked voice. 

“You’re going to have to tell me outright to stop touching you, Aasif,” Daniel said patiently. “If you’re scared or you can’t handle it, tell me now.”

Aasif groaned, lifting his hips. “Don’t stop,” he said in a small voice.

Daniel nodded, his other hand skimming down to make short work of the snap and zipper on Aasif’s jeans. “Tell me stop at any time if you start to panic,” he directed Aasif.

“I…I will,” Aasif breathed, his chest heaving as he watched with wide eyes as Daniel pulled the zipper down on his jeans. 

Daniel used both hands to pull the jeans down enough that he could see the straining lump of Aasif’s cock, trapped under the white fabric of his cotton briefs. He reached out, his eyes finding Aasif’s and full of reassurance, as he lightly touched the other man’s penis with his fingers. Aasif’s mouth opened, and his head went back a little. Fear seemed to be the last thing he was feeling. 

Daniel’s fingertips found the edge of the waistband on the briefs. He began to pull them downward slowly and carefully, while Aasif whimpered helplessly and stayed still to let him do so. Finally, that straining cock was free of its cotton casing, a gently curved, twitching beauty leaking pre-come from the tip. “Please…”Aasif begged, probably not even aware that he was doing so. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you,” Daniel breathed, licking at Aasif’s lower lip even as he curled his fingers around that rigid cock and used the pre-come to coat the shaft so he could stroke as much as he liked.

Aasif whimpered against his lips, pushing upward with his hips. Daniel’s fingers lightly stroked him, from root to tip, and Aasif shivered in his embrace. His mouth opened as he fought for breath, and his eyes were glazed. He definitely wasn’t thinking about his rapes now, Daniel thought in satisfaction. All he was thinking about was the sensation of Daniel’s fingers moving on his cock, varying the rate and speed of his strokes to give Aasif many sensations. 

He couldn’t stop kissing Aasif, tasting that mouth over and over as his fingers continued to move on Aasif. He could feel the trembles running through the slim body, and Aasif’s fingers clutched at his arm desperately. “D-Daniel,” he whimpered, his back arching.

“Feel it, Aasif,” he crooned tenderly. ’Feel my hand on you. Does it feel good? I’ll always make you feel good, I promise. I’ll never hurt you. Not ever. It’s my fingers touching you, Aasif. It’s me giving you pleasure. Concentrate on that. On me. Look at me.”

The dazed dark eyes found his, but there wasn’t much sense left in their depths. He was too far gone. Daniel smiled and laved his tongue over the swollen lower lip. “I love touching you like this,” he said in a low voice. “You feel so good in my hand. You’re going to come soon, Aasif. Let it happen. Just relax and let it happen.”

Aasif shuddered against him. His hips surged, and Daniel tightened his fingers just under the head and gave a strong, slow stroke. Aasif cried out wildly, his whole body convulsing, as he began to spurt all over Daniel’s coaxing fingers. Daniel swallowed his cries, took them in, and held him tight as Aasif came down from the high of his orgasm. He slumped in Daniel’s embrace, clearly worn out.

Daniel turned them so that he could settle Aasif against his shoulder. He held the other man close, feeling the last shivers going through the slim body. Aasif murmured something, but it wasn’t coherent. His chest was heaving as he panted, and his eyes were closed. 

Daniel kissed the top of the curly head. “You okay?” he asked gently.

Aasif stirred at last. His eyes slowly opened. He looked up at Daniel, and a tiny smile slid over his lips. “I am very much okay, Daniel,” he croaked hoarsely. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for letting me touch you,” Daniel replied gravely. “I’ll always work to earn that trust, Aasif, I swear.”

Aasif’s smile widened. He reached up one hand to cup Daniel’s cheek. “You are a good man, Daniel Radway,” he said simply. “A very good man.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aasif's got the magic touch...

Aasif was in a good mood today. Daniel hid his smile behind his cup of tea as he watched the lithe beauty bop around his apartment in an energetic fashion. Aasif was being a good host, taking a batch of homemade cookies out of the oven. They smelled delicious, and he sniffed the air appreciatively as Aasif set the baking sheet of cookies on the tiny table in his kitchen and went to the refrigerator to retrieve a carton of milk. Daniel’s eyes gleamed. Apparently Aasif thought that he was ten years old. He stifled a chuckle as Aasif opened a cupboard and got down two glasses to pour milk into them.  
Aasif carried a plate of warm cookies and the two glasses of milk into the living room. “Here we are,” he sang out as he set the plate and the glasses on the coffee table in front of Daniel.

“Thanks,” Daniel said warmly. “They smell wonderful. I didn’t know you could bake, Aasif.”

Aasif’s cheeks heated a little, a glorious soft rose against his light-brown skin. “Yes, my aunt taught me. I like to bake to relax sometimes.”

“It’s working, obviously,” Daniel remarked with a smile.

Aasif giggled, a charming sight. “Yes. I’m feeling very relaxed today.”

“That might have something to do with yesterday,” Daniel said slyly, referring to the hand job that he’d given Aasif.

Aasif turned crimson at this reminder, though he also gave Daniel an innocently sultry look from under his ridiculously long lashes. Daniel felt his breath catch. “If you’re okay with it, we could do a repeat performance today,” he said in a low, deep voice. 

Aasif gasped, a shiver passing through him. “I-I would like that, Daniel,” he said shakily. “But first…”

“First?” 

“I would…like to…touch you,” Aasif breathed, staring down at the fingers that were twining together in his lap.

Oh, fuck. Daniel wondered if his cock was going to try to drill a hole through his jeans. “I’d love that, Aasif,” he said hoarsely. “I really would.”

Aasif nodded tentatively, shooting Daniel a sideways glance. “May I…?” he began.

Daniel leaned back casually on the couch. “I’ll just sit here. You can do anything you want,” he told Aasif reassuringly. “I’m all yours, Aasif.”  
The bartender drew in a long breath as Daniel remained perfectly still, waiting patiently. Then he reached out with a trembling hand and set it on Daniel’s chest, above his t-shirt, holding it there for a minute while he gathered his nerve. His touch was making Daniel crazy, but he forced himself to remain unmoving. 

At last his slender hand began to move, gliding down Daniel’s still-clothed chest until he reached the hem of the t-shirt. He grabbed the hem and began to push it up a bit, his eyes flashing to Daniel’s face and away again. They settled on the golden skin and darker-gold chest hair he was revealing as he slowly drew the t-shirt up Daniel’s chest. He panted a little as he revealed two flat, dark-pink male nipples, already rucking in anticipation of his touch. He unconsciously licked at his lower lip, making Daniel groan above his head. 

Daniel lifted his arms and let Aasif slid the t-shirt over his head, setting it aside on the couch with hands that were visibly shaking. His dark eyes ran over Daniel’s toned chest with its soft mat of dark-gold hair, and his mouth opened as he began to breathe heavily. Daniel shuddered and buried his fingers in the couch cushions on either side of him, hanging on to his control by a hair’s breath. When Aasif looked at him this way, he could feel himself starting to lose it. The man was just so gorgeous, and so sexy…sitting here not moving while Aasif touched him was almost too much to bear.

Long fingers hovered over his bare chest, then Aasif made a low sound and reached out to set his hands flat on Daniel’s skin. He made a small sound in the back of his throat as the warmth of Aasif’s palms sank into his skin. Oh, God! Daniel closed his eyes and gulped heavily. He felt those hands start to move, gliding over his skin slowly. Oh, Jesus! He’d never make it! This was too much! And then fingertips brushed over his nipples, and he moaned and arched his back helplessly.  
He froze, worried that he’d made a huge mistake and spooked Aasif. But after only a short hesitation, those teasing fingertips ghosted over his nipples yet again. They came completely erect at this touch, and he groaned wildly as Aasif’s fingertips pinched lightly at them. “Oh, shit,” he whispered, half under his breath.

“Does that feel good, Daniel?” Aasif asked him softly.

“It feels better than good. It feels amazing,” he husked, opening his eyes to meet Aasif’s slightly worried gaze.

Aasif visibly relaxed. “I’m glad,” he said softly, then he did that amazing thing with his fingertips again to make Daniel shudder helplessly.

Aasif finally abandoned his nipples, which might have made him protest except for the fact that the bartender was heading for regions lower down. His fingers skimmed over Daniel’s shuddering abdomen, ghosting through his chest hair as he reached the waistband of Daniel’s jeans. He found that he couldn’t even breathe as Aasif’s fingers hovered over the button at the top of the jeans, then dipped down at last and fumbled with it to get it undone. Daniel wondered rather dizzily if he was going to die from lack of oxygen as Aasif finally managed to get the button undone and closed over the tab of the zipper instead. 

Aasif took in another big breath, then began to slide the zipper down. Daniel imagined that he could hear every individual tooth as the zipper teeth began to part and the front of the jeans began to open. He let his head fall back a little, trying to breathe because he really did need oxygen by now. He heard Aasif gasp as he saw the bulge at the front of the boxers that Daniel was wearing. He wondered dimly if the sight of it would freak Aasif out, and hoped desperately that it didn’t. Because if he didn’t get out of his jeans and boxers soon he was going to explode and make a huge mess all over his clothes.

Aasif froze, staring down at the tent in Daniel’s boxers. He wanted to beg, to plead, to say anything that would make Aasif release him from his cloth prison. He opened his mouth, even though he knew it was a bad idea, but before he could speak those slender fingers spasmed then reached out. Daniel gasped as they outlined his dick under the cloth of the boxers, his whole body trembling with need. Aasif licked at his lower lip again, and squeezed lightly at the bulge. This was too much for Daniel to take.

“Aasif!” he gasped wildly. “Please! Oh, God, please!”

Aasif’s eyes flew up to his. Daniel said hoarsely: “Please, Aasif. I can’t take it any more. If you keep touching me like that, I’m gonna make a mess in my underwear. That just feels too good.”

“Oh,” Aasif breathed, realizing his predicament. His fingers spasmed, but then he set his mouth into a determined line and reached out to garb the waistband of the boxers. He drew them and the jeans down over Daniel’s hips, encoring him to lift them so that Aasif could work the clothes off of his hips until they were down to his thighs. Daniel’s rigid cock sprang out into the open air, twitching and drooling pre-come like a faucet. Aasif caught his breath at the sight of it, his gaze fastened on the achingly hard cock between Daniel’s thighs. 

“Uhhh,” Daniel moaned, wanting to grab his dick and fist himself to completion. But he couldn’t. He wanted Aasif to be able to do whatever he wanted to him, so somehow he managed to stay still. Somehow. But it was the hardest struggle of his life. 

Aasif hissed, his fingers fluttering in the air. His eyes darted up to Daniel’s again, then his lashes fell over them as he bent his head a little and reached out to curl one hand around the shaft of Daniel’s rock-hard cock. Daniel almost lost it right then, and only by reciting baseball statistics in his head did he manage to pull himself away from the edge. Aasif’s hand was unmoving, and he was panting heavily as he stared down at the cock in his hand. But then he made a tentative movement with his hand, stroking up and down a little. Daniel made a low noise from between gritted teeth. Aasif gasped again, his eyes fastened on his own hand and the hard length it held, as he began to stroke up and down. Pre-come slicked his hand, and it began to feel even better.

Daniel could barely believe that Aasif was touching him like this. After all of those weeks of slowly growing intimacy, Aasif finally had enough courage to touch his cock. It was a miracle, the happiest miracle ever. He lifted his hips the barest bit, to encourage Aasif to keep touching him like this. The other man made a small sound and used his free hand to very tentatively touch Daniel’s balls, weighing them and touching the rough hair around the base of Daniel’s cock, even as he never stopped stroking with his other hand.

Daniel knew that he couldn’t last. Not now, not when Aasif was touching him in such an amazing way. He was too worked up. He wanted to warn Aasif, because he didn’t want to startle him when he came. “A-Aasif,” he groaned.

Those large, dark eyes came up to meet his. “I’m gon-na…come,” Daniel got out between his teeth. 

“Oh,” Aasif said again, color flooding his face. But he gulped, and said huskily: “Come, Daniel. I want you to.”

That was permission enough for him. Daniel’s head rolled back, his hips lifted, and he began to spurt long strings of semen out over his own belly and Aasif’s fisted hand. It was the most intense feeling that he’d ever had in his entire life. He choked out Aasif’s name, his whole body quivering as he finished spurting at last.

 

He collapsed back on the couch, sated and spent. His chest heaved as he fought to get his breath. Aasif hadn’t released him yet, and he looked down with lidded eyes at the hand still curled around his still semi-erect penis. Aasif finally uncurled his hand, looking at the white stripes on his skin. Daniel thought he might get upset, but instead Aasif looked up at him through those lovely lashes and smiled shyly. 

Daniel reached out and pulled Aasif into his arms. Before the other man could protest or say anything, Daniel bent his head and began to lick his own semen off of Aasif’s skin. He heard a gasp, and rosy color swarmed up in Aasif’s cheeks. Daniel grinned wickedly as he continued his tongue bath, because he could see that Aasif was getting excited by the touch of it on his hand. His man was definitely coming along, Daniel thought in smug satisfaction. Definitely.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel wants his family to meet Aasif

Daniel looked up into Aasif’s face. The Iraqi man was straddling his lap. Daniel was sitting on Aasif’s couch, and his lover was sitting on him. The front of their pants were undone, and their cocks were rubbing together. Daniel’s hand was gripping both hard dicks together, and Aasif was swaying like a lustful houri atop him so that the rubbing was tighter, better, hotter. Daniel leaned forward a little to lick at a dusky nipple where Aasif’s t-shirt was rucked up, eliciting a gasp from the man swaying atop him. Aasif’s head went back, showing the elegant line of his throat. 

Daniel loved seeing Aasif like this, so uninhibited and free in his desire. After weeks of intimacy, Aasif had finally relaxed enough for them to try things other than just mutual hand jobs. He’d even let Daniel kneel before him and give him a blow job yesterday, and watching his face as he’d come had driven Daniel almost insane with lust. He’d jerked himself off frantically, needing to come. Aasif was so god damn beautiful when he came. Like some sort of Middle Eastern fairy creature, a being that had seduced him, a mere mortal, with simply a look from his dark eyes. 

But this - this was even better. They were going to come together, their cocks stimulated by the frotting. The slick sound of it turned him on so much he could barely stand it. Aasif was far gone atop of him, his whole slim body jerking and pushing forward to get even closer contact with Daniel’s. Their combined juices spilled out over his fingers, making the handhold he had even slicker and wetter. 

“Ahh, Daniel,” Aasif moaned lowly, and Daniel shuddered. 

“Yeah, that’s it, Aasif,” he grated out. “Let’s come together, baby. Come on.”

Aasif moaned again, his hips going into overdrive. Daniel gripped them both tighter, and moved his hand up and down, up and down… “Oh!” Aasif cried, jerking and shuddering in Daniel’s lap; as he began to come all over Daniel’s caressing fingers. 

Daniel moaned out his name and began to come as well, loving the sight of their semen mingling together on their bellies and thighs. Both men slumped a little, spent. Aasif’s head came to rest on his shoulder, as he panted loudly.   
When he could speak again, Daniel croaked: “That was…amazing.”

“Yes,” Aasif whispered, kissing his shoulder and neck. Little, butterfly kisses. 

“I love doing this with you, Aasif,” Daniel told him, patting his lower back tenderly.

“Me, too,” the bartender agreed breathily. “You make me feel so good, Daniel.”

“I’m glad. I want you to feel good, Aasif,” Daniel replied simply. 

 

After they’d cleaned up, Aasif made them dinner. He’d learned to cook from his aunt and mother, and Daniel was learning to appreciate Iraqi cooking. He never thought that he’d like goat before this, but it was a surprisingly tender and tasty meat. They sat at Aasif’s little kitchen table, talking and eating. But Aasif suddenly fell silent, and troubled look fell over his beautiful face. 

“What’s the matter, Aasif?” Daniel asked in concern, putting down his fork.  
Aasif’s slender fingers intertwined in front of him on the tabletop, a sure sign that he was distressed. “I - I love everything you do to me, Daniel,” he began, looking troubled. 

“Okay,” Daniel said, his brows lifting. “I’m glad. So what’s the problem?”

Aasif’s shoulders hunched. “I just…don’t know…that I can ever…” he made a frustrated motion with one slender hand. “You know…with you,” he added, his big eyes full of sadness and trouble. 

“Oh. You’re upset because you don’t think you could ever bottom for me, not after you were raped,” Daniel said bluntly.

Aasif twitched, looking even more miserable. “Yes, I’m so sorry, Daniel.”

He reached across the table and captured those slim hands. “It’s all right, Aasif. It really is. I don’t need anything more than what we’ve been doing together; everything feels really great to me. Besides, lots of gay couples never have intercourse. Sometimes it’s because they can’t decide who’s gonna be top or bottom, or maybe neither of them likes the feel of anal, or any number of other factors. Besides - there’s clearly something you haven’t thought about, here,” he added with a quirk of his lips.

Aasif looked relieved at his words. “What?”

Daniel let a grin spread his lips. “I can bottom for you, silly,” he said gently. 

Aasif’s mouth fell open. He stared wide-eyed at Daniel. “R-Really? Truly?” he sputtered, looking shocked. “You’d…a man like you…”

Daniel chuckled. “I think you’ve fallen victim to straight peoples’ way of thinking, Aasif,” he teased. “The most ‘masculine’ or ‘butch’ looking guy always has to be on top. But that’s just not true for gay men, honey. Even the butchest among us sometimes prefer to be bottoms, and enjoy the feel of it. I’ve always been a switch-hitter. And I’d love to feel you inside of me, Aasif, if you want to try that.”

Aasif just gaped at him for a moment, then his mouth slowly closed. “You really mean that,” he said in wonder.

Daniel nodded. “Sure I do. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I’ll leave the decision up to you, Aasif, but if you’d like to try it just let me know. Whenever you want, wherever you want, sweetheart. It’s totally up to you.”

Aasif’s eyes filled with tears. “You’re so wonderful, Daniel,” he husked. “So kind. I don’t know what I did to deserve you…”

Daniel squeezed his hands tenderly. “I feel the same way, Aasif,” he reassured him. “You’re special. I really care about you. And I’m so happy that I met you. I didn’t know I was looking for somebody special when I walked into that bar, but when I saw you I knew you were going to become somebody really important to me. And you are. You are, Aasif. Always know that.”

Aasif nodded, tears trickling down his cheeks. “I feel the same about you, Daniel,” he said huskily. “I never thought I’d come to a place where I could be with someone, but you’ve made my greatest, most hopeless dream come true. I’ll always be thankful to you for that.”

“I’m glad I could help,” Daniel lifted his hands to his mouth and kissed the fingers. “It’s great to see you blossom, Aasif. You’re such an amazing person; I love seeing the real you come out of hiding, as you deal with your fears. I can’t wait to see who you become as you conquer your demons.”  
Aasif smiled through his tears. “ I can’t wait, either,” he replied simply. 

 

The subject of anal sex was dropped for the moment. Aasif seemed content with Daniel saying that he was good with the other things that they did together. And to his amazed delight, Aasif returned the blow job a few days later. He was a total amateur, of course; but he was determined to learn. And seeing that lovely creature kneeling in front of him to take his cock in his mouth made Daniel came far sooner than he would have liked. It was just so sexy! Life was good.

 

 

His one concern was broaching the subject of his new boyfriend with his family. He wasn’t worried that they’d react badly to him having a boyfriend; but he WAS concerned about how’d they’d feel when they learned he was dating an Iraqi man and a former Muslim. A soon-to-be former, former Muslim, if his instincts were correct; Aasif showed signs of wanting to return to the faith of his parents. Daniel wasn’t in the least against that, but he worried that his family might feel differently. There was way too much prejudice against Muslims in this country.

He decided to start with a confession to his sister-in-law, Audrey. He really liked her; Audrey was a great woman, and she kept his brother Ben in line. Ben had been a wild child before he’d met Audrey in college, but the girl had turned him around. He’d gotten his life together, married the girl who’d encouraged him to reform, and had had two children with her. They were very happy. Daniel knew that Audrey wanted that same happiness for him.   
“Hey, Audrey,” he said, as she answered the phone. 

“Hey, Daniel! What’s up, guy?” she asked, her voice sounding warm and delighted. Audrey had always liked him, and they were pretty close friends. 

“Umm, there’s something I really need to tell everybody,” Daniel began. “So I thought I’d run it by you first, since Mom and Ben might not be as okay with it as you are. At least I hope you are, anyway.”

“What is it, Daniel?” She asked, sounding concerned. ‘Is it something bad? Are you sick?”

“No, It’s nothing bad. I’m fine. I just…I’ve started seeing someone.”

“Oh, Daniel, that’s awesome!” She cried. “Why would you think that was a bad thing?”

“Well…because the guy I’m seeing…He’s…”

“Spit it out, Daniel,” she said, as he hesitated. 

“He’s a Muslim, Audrey,” Daniel blurted out, tensing as he waited for her reaction.

She let out a long breath over the phone. “Is that all?! I thought you’d tell me you were dating a Satanist who makes human sacrifices on the full moon or something!” She sounded exasperated. 

He relaxed. “Are you sure? Because I really like this guy, Audrey. He’s special. I want to bring him home to meet everybody, but not if it’s going to cause problems. I don’t want Aasif to have to deal with that. He’s been through enough.”

“Aasif? Is that his name? What’s he like? Is he cute?”

He found himself laughing a little. “Yes, he’s very cute. But are you sure that Ben and Mom will be okay with him, too?”

“Daniel, we’ve been waiting for over a decade for you to start dating someone seriously. At this point, I don’t think that anyone would care if you were dating a Martian bent on world conquest, let alone a Muslim. Your mom is so desperate I caught her cruising gay dating sites the other day, looking for men she could recommend to you.”

He choked out a laugh. “Really?”

She chuckled. “Yes, really. I had to give her a stern little talking-to to convince her to leave you alone to find your own boyfriend. You owe me, buddy.”

“Yes, I do,” he replied fervently. “Thanks, Audrey. I’d like to bring Aasif over to dinner to meet everybody, maybe next week. Would that be good?”

“It’d be great! I can’t wait to meet the guy who tamed you, Daniel, you wild thing. He must be really special.”

“He is, Audrey,” he replied seriously. “He really is.”


End file.
